Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize