I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
