is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
