Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
