I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
