We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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