your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
