also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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