I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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