i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
