So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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