And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
