Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit