Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.