i wish my penis had a tongue
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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