I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.