Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
