I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"