I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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