the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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