my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it's like iHOP with fire
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
