do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
