Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
