remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
