I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
