3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
