This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
