Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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