i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
