I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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