I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
