Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
