I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
