Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
tell me about the fingering
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
