I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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