Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
