I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
