who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So vagazzling was a success
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
