My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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