How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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