A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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