Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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