my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
