I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
