dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
