im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
