dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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