WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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