my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
