I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
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She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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