I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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