the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
