Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize