My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
