yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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