I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
