he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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