Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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