Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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