And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Drunk is not a location!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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