He uses pillows to masturbate.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
