I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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