Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize