he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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Semen is not good for contacts.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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