It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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