He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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