I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They took my balls.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
