Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
