no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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