do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
