I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
