Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
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I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The ass gains better be worth it
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