so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
