hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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