Do vagina's smell?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Randomize
